Mourning what never was....and never will be.

I've been working on myself lately.  I'm learning more about myself each day.  I'm learning why I think the way I think, why certain things bother me and I'm learning how to love myself properly.

All I really want to say is that I cried this morning while reading a book.  The words in the book made me tear up and I didn't understand why.  The more I read, the more I got choked up.

But sitting there I figured out what the problem was-- and I mourned my loss.  I mourned also that it will never be the way I want it. 

I've been learning about this particular subject a lot lately and I have learned that it is perfectly normal and acceptable for me to feel the way I am. 

The lesson I have learned is this..... not exactly what happened but something like this.....

When you grow up being served nothing but white rice and apples----

and then you learn that other kids were not only served white rice and apples but so much more....
kiwi, chicken, oranges, beautiful abundant overflowing varieties......

and you could have had that also-- very easily...... but you didn't.  And now you know-- and it hurts. 

Until next time.....