The camping trip that wasn't.......

Back in June of this year I wanted to go camping.  I've never been except for the couple times I went with my dad to Ohio.  This is the first time I planned to go camping as an adult.  I originally planned to go by myself, but again, once Ashton saw that this might be fun, he asked if he could come with me. 

I of course was thrilled to have my buddy with me.  I decided that we could just sleep in the back of the Subaru.  We decided to go to Cunningham Falls State Park in Maryland.  It's about an hour away from our house.  It is beautiful.  It was supposed to rain pretty hard overnight, but we decided we would go anyway and just do the best we could. 

We arrived at 2:30pm and picked out our spot.  There were only 2 other families in the entire circle, so we were feeling pretty good having some space.  We were directly across from the water source and bathrooms. 

This is shortly after we arrived.

It was still quite a while before the sun went down, so we decided to go for a hike, eat some dinner and then go swimming at the lake before settling in.  It was a warm day but not too hot.  Perfect!

We hiked to the falls and Ashton loved climbing all over the rocks around the falls!

I was still dealing with some anxiety about food and exercise so I did ok on the hike, but I opted to not climb with Ashton on the rocks.  Maybe I'll do that next time I go. 

Ashton is nearly worn out in this picture.  It turned out to be a nice hike.  We walked back to the car, then headed back to the camp site. 

We went to get some wood at the camp store and got started on building a fire.  I pretty much let Ashton build it.  He was having fun and we had a light the bag style charcoal bag underneath.  We didn't get a huge fire (and I've since learned why) but we had one big enough to cook our hotdogs and corn. 

After we ate we headed down to the lake and stayed there until about 7:30p.  It was pretty empty by then.  Ashton swam like crazy and I enjoyed the quiet and journaled. 

When we got back to camp that's when things started getting interesting, or less interesting whichever way you want to look at it. 

I straightened up camp a bit preparing to just relax after a adventure filled day.  Ashton kept running around, climbing rocks, exploring and basically kept himself busy.  We still had about an hour of sunlight when I regretted not bringing a card game or something to keep him busy.  Boredom was setting in.  I recommended we go ahead and set up our bed, brush our teeth and prep for bed. 

After about another half hour the sunset, nearly 9pm and we turned on our lantern.  We climbed into the back of the Subaru and tried to get comfortable.  It was still pretty warm but I was still too nervous to leave the hatch open on the Subaru so we just left the windows cracked.  After about 15 minutes he started complaining that he was hot and he wasn't going to be able to sleep. 

That's when I made the fatal mistake. 

I asked him if he wanted to go home. 

Not in a do you wanna go home honey voice but in a sarcastic- what? you wanna go home? voice.

He said yes. 

The seed was planted.  Now I was also second guessing going there knowing that it was suppose to pour down rain.  Before we went to bed I piled all the stuff outside into the front of the vehicle so it wouldn't get wet. 

Long story short, we did leave.  We left at 9:30 and was home by 10:30p--  I slept better than I'm sure I would have at the site, but looking back I wish I would've made us tough it out.  I slipped into old patterns of not following through with what was important to me.  I will go again, maybe next summer, but by myself.  If we go together it will be for a day trip. 

And that was the camping trip that wasn't. :)

Until Next Time

My son turned 15 today!

My Boy. 

He is the best thing that I will have ever accomplished in my life.  He is thoughtful, imaginative, talented and gives the best hugs.  Yes, he has the normal teenage stuff- but he is awesome and I'm so proud of the person he is. 

Even when he's not happy with me he's respectful.  Here he is super bored because mom is having too much fun dancing at a wedding.  I'm hoping I'm teaching how to be a good man.  I'm hoping I'm teaching him how to respect women and how to have respect for himself. 

He's so handsome, but of course he doesn't think he is.  He's certain that no girl will ever find him attractive, but I know one day sooner than I'm ready for- he'll have a girlfriend. 

He's goofy and he gets that from me.  He can make the weirdest faces and yes, he gets that from me.  He's sensitive and has almost too much empathy--- all from me. 

I am so proud of this guy.  He is the most amazing person.  It's hard to see him be so down on himself and not have the confidence.  I want to protect him and make everyone clear a path when he walks in the room.  But, he's 15 now and I can't do that anymore. 

I've been trying to separate myself from him bit by bit.  It's hard to do!  I have to remember and give him the respect he deserves by letting him live his own life.  He deserves to go through this life knowing that his choices are his.  He doesn't owe me anything.  I'm hoping that he will want to spend time with me as we both grow older.  I never want to be a chore or errand for him.  I never want to make him feel that way. 

I love that boy with all my heart and because of that I will do this for him.  Let him go and be free. 

Meanwhile though, until he's 18, I'll eat up allllll the attention I can get!  ;)

Until next time.

Snow Storm of Jan. 2016

Hello All,

I found these pictures of the snow storm back in January.  It was crazy!  We got over 3 feet.  We had a big snow storm like this about 10 years ago, but back then we had a neighbor with a snow blower.  This time we did not.  I think we closed the shop for about 4 days just to dig out and get back to work.  Before we could get back to work we had to deal with the wall of snow around our house.

The snow was heavy and wet.  It was overwhelming just trying to figure out where to put it.  You can see that across the street the wall of snow met the bottoms of our mailboxes.  That's Ashton, he's 14 in this picture. 

Once we finally got back to work, we were met with this. 

Yep, more snow-- another wall to bring down.  This is also the year that a couple weeks after this snow storm, Eric got bronchitis so bad he was out of work for 2 weeks.  He had to have xrays to make sure he didn't have pneumonia.  He still needs an inhaler. 

So heading into winter yet again, we are cringing at the thought of dealing with snow.  We have joked more than once about moving where it doesn't snow.  However, I think after last year we aren't really joking anymore.  I would love to move after Ashton graduates high school. 

Until Next Time. 

Parent Teacher Conference

Each year, in the looming days of winter I or Eric would attend parent teacher conferences.  It's a nice chance to get some one on one time with his teachers and just see how this boy of mine is doing.  He always went with us so I can't say it was truly one on one.  He has a love/hate relationship with the meeting.  It's a nice break though- especially when his grades are the least of our worries.  '

Some times waiting our turn could be a chance to just be goofy and do a selfie.  You have to do it quickly because you can't be caught having fun with your mom.  This picture was early on in the evening.  Spirits were still pretty high and stomachs were full. 

However, as the night wore on, Ashton became, let's say..... less enthused.  Less enthused about meetings, selfies and being on school grounds when he should be home having fun. 

Now my boy is about to turn 15 and is a freshmen in high school.  This is the first time in our school "career" that we totally ignored parent teacher conference night.  The deal was if you have at least a C or above in each class that we would skip it.  He accomplished that goal. 

It makes me sad.  I'm proud of how far we've come-- this boy and I.  I'm a little sad that it happened so quick.  I'm thankful for our goofy nights and the selfies I insisted on taking.  I don't know if we'll go to the next parent teacher conference. 

I hope so..... just one last time..... 

Until Next time. 

My take on the 2016 election.

I pulled into the full parking lot before work and walked to the school to place my vote.  I knew that I was surrounded by Trump supporters, but quickly and quietly I placed my vote for Hillary.  Knowing that my vote would surely be added to the overwhelming Hillary supporters outside of this Trumpland that I call home. 

I had a good day at work anticipating the evenings events.  Finally the election would be over and I needed to remember to buy a paper the next morning announcing our country's first female president. 

The states started slowly roll in the results.  We all know how it goes from there. 

How did we get here?  How is it possible that a man who insulted everyone except white men during his campaign get elected?  How did a man using foul language and "locker room" talk against women possibly get women to vote for him? 

I'm not sure.

He knew exactly what to say.  My only hope is maybe he said all he needed to say to get elected and maybe now he'll throw all that nonsense away. 

Otherwise our country, in my opinion has been thrown back at least 70 years of progress. 

He says we'll make the country great again.  Only if that means being able to be racist, sexist and homophobic. 

I'm looking forward to seeing what actions he takes.  I can only hope his whole election campaign was a big show. 

We'll see.

Until Next Time

My first step out--

This is my first step out into creating a happier life for myself.  Days before these pictures I realized for real this time, that I was the only one that could make myself happy.  It wasn't my husband's job, and it wasn't my son's job either.  I really wanted to go to Winter Wonderland at our local park.  You walk through the park and they have decorated the park with all kinds of lights.  Santa is there, they sell cookies and cocoa- there's even a large music timed light show at the end.  It's so fun.  However, my hubby doesn't like it.  We've gone before, but I always feel rushed because I know he's not enjoying himself.  So to begin my new year 2016 being a bit more selfish and take care of myself better, I announced I was going to the Winter Wonderland.  My husband was shocked, but he was happy that I would go.  When it came time to leave, he was really shocked that I was actually going through with going by myself.  I had invited my son days before but he said no.  When he saw that I was actually going to go, he asked ME if he could come.  He was a pretty good partner to go with even though he refused to go visit Santa or even go in the building with him.  We ate cookies, we sipped cocoa, we had a great time.  He walked a little faster than I wanted, but he waited for me to catch up.  Then this happened--

Under the last light tunnel he agreed to a selfie with Mom!!  He tries to act tough but I know secretly he was having a great time.  I haven't decided if I'll go again this year.  Maybe I'll go truly alone this time.  When I got home Eric asked me if we had a good time.  Yes, we did.  It was an awesome first step into reminding myself to do things for myself-- and that I'll never regret it. 

Until next time......