It's been so long that I don't even know where to begin. I had quite a few posts on this blog I'd say about a year ago and I decided to delete them. All of them. I wish now that I had not. I know why I did it. It was because I was in the throws of grief. I had lost both my grandmother in Sept 2014 and then my step dad in Jan 2015. This time last year I was stripping myself from the internet and scolding myself for "telling my story". Now I can see that I just wanted to talk. I didn't want to show boat or show off- I just wanted to type away the feelings. I lost my sense of self last year. I developed serious physical and mental panic and still deal with them today. Much much better than it used to be but I'm definitely not where I was before those two beautiful souls left this earth.
So why start again?
Well, for one, I need this. It's not flaunty since I'll likely be the only one that reads it. But, I need the release. I need to just get it out there.
Maybe I'm starting over because the person I was is truly gone. I may as well introduce the new person I have become. The sad, happy, giddy hanging on tight person I am today. I'm more introspective. I'm more nervous for sure. I question things now, but I also see more clearly. I appreciate more. I feel more. There are some things that are bad, but most things are good.
I hope to expand on the good and slowly heal from the bad.
Thank you for letting me talk. I do hope someone reads this and it will maybe help them get through whatever they are dealing with.
My grandmother sits in the chair. This was at least 4-5 years ago.
I have a picture I have in mind I want to put up of my stepdad-- it's the thanksgiving before he passed. I'll have to find it. I will certainly post about the shattering of my world. Not to flaunt, not for pity- but because I never want to forget -- but I also need to heal.
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