I'm off work today. I went to work last night-- didn't get home until almost midnight. Surprisingly I enjoy coming home late at night-- my radio is broken so to and from work is a chill time. I can think-- and just relax. Especially coming home- there's little to no traffic, it's quiet, dark and cool outside. It was a good shift. I made $92 in tips which with my hourly worked out to be $17 an hour. I've noticed that I'm still tired when I leave work but my body is starting to get used to it.
I've also noticed that when I'm at work I'm totally in the moment. I had anxiety yesterday before work-- which I've had every day before - but not quite as bad. I used to get chills down my legs as soon as I woke up before-- now I get a pent up energy kinda feeling about an hour before I have to start getting ready. Once I'm there I'm on auto pilot and just do it. I'm not thinking about anything else other than doing my job- which is really good for my brain and my emotional state. My anxiety is gone when I'm there.
It used to be terrible when I was there, but now that I know what to do- it's way better.
Once aspect of work that I really like is talking to people. I have people I don't really connect with but some are just so fun to talk to. Sometimes I'm amazed that I'm getting paid for this. I hope that I continue to like this job the way I like it now. I'm hoping we get the Subaru fixed soon so that I can go places on my days off. I can most days but sometimes Eric likes taking my car to work-- and I don't feel good about driving the Subaru at the moment.
I'm settling into this new life. It's been almost 2 months since I started at the bar. We're almost done wrapping things up for VHB-- I'll be glad when we're totally done. I don't miss it.
The only thing I'm kinda bummed about is I texted Sara, Rosie's mom last Saturday (today is Thursday) telling her I miss them and would like to get together soon, I've never gotten a reply.
But I really can't and won't get upset about it. I love Rosie, but I can't force her-- and if I have to force her what good is the relationship anyway? So, I've had to let that relationship go. I love Rosie so it hurts that I won't be involved in her life the way I had hoped, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I guess the only way I'll see her is through Jared. Eric has seen her twice since VHB closed-- I haven't seen them in over a month. Oh well, all I can do is hope and send them happy vibes and loving vibes.
I've deactivated my facebook account. It feels good- and if I find I don't miss or need it for anything in the next 6 mths to a year- I may delete it all together.
Living in the NOW. Loving every moment cause that's all ya got.
Until Next Time.
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