August & September Adventures- or - RealizingThat Needing To Rest Is OK!

I'll be honest guys- I haven't stepped foot on a trail since July.  I truly scared myself silly.  I have not had any pull to go out hiking and really I haven't had the pull to even go on adventures.  What I have craved lately is lots of rest.  To lose myself in a good book, movie or TV show, that's what I've been craving.  I've been doing a lot of self work.  I've been going to therapy.

When I left the park that day on my scary hike I felt a little proud and had a bad ass swagger when I walked into Sheetz to pee and to get some snacks.  As I look back on it, I was just happy to be alive, off that trail and back into civilization.  

I was surprised that the feeling a couple days later turned to fear-- not proud, not I wanna do that again-- not woohoo look at me what trail next--  It turned into why the hell did I do that?  What was I thinking?  That totally wasn't worth it- feeling. 

I have been totally turned off of hiking.  I've decided I'm more of a nature walk kinda gal.  I really still have no desire to get back on a trail.  I haven't even gone back to the battlefield.  I've changed my exercise routine to where I walk 3 days a week, yoga 2 days a week and rest 2 days.  It is working out nicely.  

I guess doing all the inner work I've been doing has been an adventure all unto itself.  

I also spent my September adventure day (my birthday) holed up in my house, napping, reading, eating and watching some amazing stories on TV.  My brother got me a gift card to a local massage place and they do what's called Top Down Stretch- it's basically like yoga, but more stretchy and with a personal trainer.  I'm excited for it and it will be my October adventure.  

I'm ready to get back to my adventures, but I want to go back to sight seeing, park exploring (in public areas or very easy nature walks) and trying new activities.  

My first instinct was to be angry at myself that I failed my goal of going on a monthly adventure- but is it really useful if I don't really desire to do it?  Just like the day of the dreaded hike- I really wasn't into being out in the first place.  I really just wanted to do something really low key like walk through Target or TJMaxx and window shop or go for a tea/coffee, shoot, even go read in the car somewhere-- but NO- I had to force myself to get out there and look what it got me.  

But maybe I needed to do that to grow personally.  Struggle is a great catalyst for growth.  I should know that by now.  

So I'm back.  I'm ready to listen to my instincts and hopefully I'll have the knowledge and strength to know the difference between- nervous this is something new- feeling- and- I'm just not feeling this outing- feeling

This has been a lesson in self acceptance.  

Until Next Time.