Where the hell have I been?!?!?!?!

Hello,

It's been a really long time since I've posted here.  I did go on a short drive a few days after my last post.  It was a super short back road drive on the way to mom's house.  Let me see if I can find them.

It feels so long ago.  I'm trying to find my grounding right now.  I have been through craziness this past year.  Frustrations with Broken Window had me wanting to quit A LOT.  Luckily I think the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to twinkle just a bit.  I have agreed to start doing some shifts at Winchester Brew Works where Eric works so that helps pick up extra shifts here and there.  The rumor is that they want a tap room manager- so we'll see if that actually pans out in my favor.  I make pretty good money for only having to work 3-4 days a week.  

What has happened since July last year?  Well, Eric and I celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary.  We went to the fair in late July right before Ashton started his junior year in high school.  He got the honor roll for the first time ever- and he did it all on his own.  No intervention from us at all.  We had a small very simple Christmas.  We had a quiet new years as well.  

Momma Cat died on January 4th.  She just stopped eating.  Lita died two weeks later.  We had to put her down because she got attacked by dogs outside.  It was terrible.  I'll write about it another time maybe.  

I've been hovering on the sidelines with WBW rumors since mid January.  I'm still at Broken Window and have accepted the ridiculousness of the place.  The good news is that when they found out that I was going to work some shifts at brew works Zach suddenly wanted to know if I was happy there and said that he was having struggles with Katie not doing the job correctly.  

In late January Eric found out he is being sent to Denver Colorado for the probrewers conference.  I apparently am going with him.  I'm scared to death of flying.  But I did let it go and say that I would do it if the opportunity arose.  Well, I didn't think it would- but I guess the universe had other plans.  We leave on April 8th at 7am.  Just a couple weeks.  I've noticed my anxiety comes and goes with it.  

It may be why I've been sleeping so much and being so anxious at work lately.  When it was far away it was easy to forget about but with each passing day it gets closer and I get more scared.  

I went to the Dr last week and had a great visit.  My blood works was all good and my thyroid was only slightly elevated.  I went to the dentist yesterday and that was easy.  The only other BIG thing that I have to do is the block party day for Broken Window on the 30th.  Then with no choice I'm getting on a plane.  Eric says that I'm making a way bigger deal than it actually is- but my brain is working overtime with it.  

I got my first legit fussing at by an old woman at Broken Window on Sunday.  She was probably drunk but she was in the wrong-- it sucked to get yelled at by someone especially since I didn't do anything wrong- but whatever.  She made a fool of herself.  

Today is my 4th day in a row being off and I needed it.  

I am going to work 3 days in a row this weekend.  Tomorrow night, Sat at WBW and morning at Broken Window.  $$$$$$    :)  

I want to post here more often to keep my pictures.  I like doing things the old fashioned way- but it is getting harder and harder.  

I think that's it for now.  I need to do some dishes and then I think I'll do some yoga and shower.  

Until Next Time.  

I'm itching for some alone adventures.

I'm off work today and tomorrow.  I'm excited to have a day alone tomorrow.  Well, Ashton will be home but he spends a lot of time by himself in his room or down the road at his friends house.  Eric hasn't worked much this week which I enjoy but I also need some space to myself.  I think I need to plan a day trip on my own.  It's been so stinking hot I haven't felt like going anywhere since I don't have A/C in my car.  But I absolutely need to go somewhere on my own.  I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I need it.  Even if I just go for a drive on some back roads- taking pictures-  some space to breathe and settle into my own.

I'm off for four days straight next week and I know that Eric will need to work a lot so I think I'll do something then.  I actually want to do more than hole up in the house.  I love doing that too but I am becoming interested in getting out and doing stuff again.

It feels good to be moving forward financially again.  We still have to deal with some business debt from Carnew but I can deal with it.  It doesn't freak me out like it used to.  It's numbers.  I can have wonderful fun without spending money.  I'm enjoying the simple life I have.

I went with Ashton today to fill out a volunteer application.  He's applied at two places for jobs but hasn't had any luck yet.

I love my guy.

Until Next Time.

PS-  I think I want to try cutting down on my tv time--- I don't know, I really enjoy it but it does make me not want to do other things.

How I'm feeling today

I'm off work today.  I went to work last night-- didn't get home until almost midnight.  Surprisingly I enjoy coming home late at night-- my radio is broken so to and from work is a chill time.  I can think-- and just relax.  Especially coming home- there's little to no traffic, it's quiet, dark and cool outside.  It was a good shift.  I made $92 in tips which with my hourly worked out to be $17 an hour.  I've noticed that I'm still tired when I leave work but my body is starting to get used to it.

I've also noticed that when I'm at work I'm totally in the moment.  I had anxiety yesterday before work-- which I've had every day before - but not quite as bad.  I used to get chills down my legs as soon as I woke up before-- now I get a pent up energy kinda feeling about an hour before I have to start getting ready.  Once I'm there I'm on auto pilot and just do it.  I'm not thinking about anything else other than doing my job- which is really good for my brain and my emotional state.  My anxiety is gone when I'm there.

It used to be terrible when I was there, but now that I know what to do- it's way better.

Once aspect of work that I really like is talking to people.  I have people I don't really connect with but some are just so fun to talk to.  Sometimes I'm amazed that I'm getting paid for this.  I hope that I continue to like this job the way I like it now.  I'm hoping we get the Subaru fixed soon so that I can go places on my days off.  I can most days but sometimes Eric likes taking my car to work-- and I don't feel good about driving the Subaru at the moment.

I'm settling into this new life.  It's been almost 2 months since I started at the bar.  We're almost done wrapping things up for VHB-- I'll be glad when we're totally done.  I don't miss it.

The only thing I'm kinda bummed about is I texted Sara, Rosie's mom last Saturday (today is Thursday)  telling her I miss them and would like to get together soon,   I've never gotten a reply.

But I really can't and won't get upset about it.  I love Rosie, but I can't force her-- and if I have to force her what good is the relationship anyway?  So, I've had to let that relationship go.  I love Rosie so it hurts that I won't be involved in her life the way I had hoped, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.  I guess the only way I'll see her is through Jared.  Eric has seen her twice since VHB closed-- I haven't seen them in over a month.  Oh well, all I can do is hope and send them happy vibes and loving vibes.
I've deactivated my facebook account.  It feels good- and if I find I don't miss or need it for anything in the next 6 mths to a year- I may delete it all together.

Living in the NOW.  Loving every moment cause that's all ya got.

Until Next Time.

Just seeing if this will work. Video of my April Solo Adventure in 2017

Here's a video that I took gosh last spring in 2017.  I'm too chicken to put it up on youtube- but I'm hoping this will be a good way to blog and put up occ. videos too.  Give some life to my living journal.  I do this not only for myself but hopefully for my family in the years to come- and after I'm gone.

Until Next Time.

The end of an era......

A few days before May 1st, after months of lower sales, we made the hard choice to close our shop.  We had had it open for 6 years.

Ashton was in 4th grade when we opened.  He was just about to finish up his sophomore year of high school when we closed the doors for good.

Here's to the years we spent together as a family.  It was hard, it was fun, it was frustrating and it was the best thing ever.  I'm so glad that even though ultimately it went under, we had the nerve to do what we wanted.

Here's to you Valley Homebrew.  Thank you.

Until Next Time.

Easter Sunday 2018

We decided to go to Morven Park in Leesburg VA on Easter this year.  Little did we know that just a few weeks later we would be faced with making a very hard decision that would affect our lives deeply.

Until Next Time.  

Before I worked there......

Here's some pictures just a week before Broken Window opened.   I had no idea that just over a month later I would be working behind the bar.

Zach and Jacob behind the bar.  Tim, Jared and Eric at the bar.

Eric and Rosie both having a drink. 

Tim finishing his beer while Zach takes a look at his creation.  

Until Next Time.